Something I didn’t think I’d be is single in my mid 30s. But after years of dating, swiping and learning to just live my life, it is safe to say that I have become a very confident single woman. Our society and culture will put a ton of pressure on women to feel less than if they haven’t found their person.
If they’re not coupled up yet, if you will. And it’s bull shit. We are whole complete people who can lead incredible, fulfilling lives. All while being single.
We do not need someone in our life to do that for us. We create joy, happiness and confidence on our own. And when someone comes around to help support that life, then they’re lucky to be there.
I know it’s easier said than done to be a confident single woman. It’s almost like a muscle that you have to flex and work. It doesn’t just happen. So whether you’re recently single and feeling that lull in your life and need a confidence boost, or have been single for years and are hoping and praying that someone will come around to make you happy, this post is for you.
Because if you’re single, you should be happy and confident. Period. Finding that person is just the icing on the cake.
How To Be A Confident Single Woman
Dive Into Your Hobbies
Having an identity outside of your work is essential. Embracing your hobbies is a great way to become more confident. When you have something that you enjoy and take pride in, this alone makes you a more confident person.
Another benefit of having hobbies is that you create an identity around them along with new friends. All of this builds on your confidence in so many ways. If you need some ideas on how to find hobbies you can check out my tips on that here.
Practice Being Alone
One of the biggest fears for leaving a relationship is the fear of being alone. If you can learn to be happy and content with yourself and be alone, your confidence will soar. Being alone is not the same as being lonely either. Learning how to be alone is developing the confidence to do things by yourself that make you happy.
Also, realizing that doing things solo can make you feel good is a really important lesson a single person can acquire. Understanding this will help build confidence that you can be alone and single and happy. When you can be happy doing anything, you will learn to not settle for people because you have the confidence in being alone.
Embrace Your Single Life
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There are some really great perks of being single. And recognizing that they are things to enjoy and embrace will allow you to see the good parts of being a single woman. From not having to share your food, or your bed, or being able to fart whenever you want to with no shame.
Or how about never having to consult anyone about what the hell you’re doing, ever? Period. No discussing how you’ll spend your money or your time. It’s amazing being single! Embrace these lovely little joys in your single life. Because once you do have a partner, these things drastically change.
Build A Good Circle Of Friends
There is nothing better that you can do for both your happiness and your confidence than to build a good group of friends. You don’t need these massive friend groups. But having multiple people in your life that you can turn to for a text, a call, a walk, or a lunch date, is crucial.
And it’s great to have a mix of married and single friends. They all serve a purpose and you don’t have to JUST have single friends. If you’re finding that all your friends are married, or married with kids, then it’s time to expand your friend circle a bit. It’s good to have a little variety! And trust me I know what it’s like to be the only single friend. This is how I deal with being the only single friend.
Build A Fulfilling Life
There is more to life than just having a partner. Sure it’s nice to share your life with someone. But when you have a fulfilled life of hobbies, passions, friends and family, the partner is just the icing on the cake. And when you can re-frame your mindset to that, you’ll put less pressure on finding THE person, which will instantly make you more confident and comfortable in your own skin.
Pursuing Your Passions
Having passions in addition to hobbies, are a really important aspect of growing your confidence. These are things that are more fulfilling and can be your job if you’re so lucky to have your passion be your job, but can also be something you work on with your own downtime. These things bring joy and satisfaction in your life and provide you with self-assurance.
Set Goals And Celebrate Your Success
There is a clear connection between success and confidence. Even in small doses. Set personal or professional goals, and celebrate them when you achieve them. So much of our culture celebrates very specific successes from marriages to babies. Which can leave single people feeling less than others because nothing is being celebrated for us.
But I’m a firm believer that there are plenty of other (and honestly more exciting things) to celebrate in life than just getting married and having babies. From reaching a work goal, moving into a new place, taking a big risk in life, finally signing up for that french class and learning a new language and so on. The list goes on. Set goals, and make sure to celebrate the wins.
Prioritize Self Care
Taking care of yourself is extremely important in how you see yourself in the world. Prioritizing the self-care things that bring you joy can really build your confidence. And a happier, healthier you, is always going to be a more confident you by default.
From small self-care things like getting your nails done to getting your body moving daily, or reading your favorite books or going to therapy. To even larger ones like taking a solo vacation every year, or hiring someone to clean your home to take that off your to-do list. Whatever it is, and yes there should be several, prioritize them!
Change Your Mindframe
Having this mind-frame that you are complete when you have a partner is going to hinder your ability to be confident while single. Reframing your idea of what single looks like or how it should feel, takes practice. I always recommend single friends read this book from Shani Silver.
Being single is great, and unless you start to realize the incredible parts of it, you’re just going to be miserable. And that is no way to live. Plus, it’s a good reminder that being happy and single, does not mean that you are actively working against being in a relationship. Both can be true.
You can want to be in a relationship, and also be happy as a single woman. In fact, I’d argue that you’re more likely to end up in a healthy relationship if you are going into them already being a happy and full complete person. This is something Shani Silver talks a lot about in her book, and it really can help you shift your mindset while you’re single.
Let Go Of Limitations
I have heard countless single friends say some variation of the following sentence to me, and I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them. “I’ll visit (insert any city that is remotely exciting) when I (insert some sort of societal expectation she should accomplish like a wedding, honeymoon, a husband, whatever).” This shit kills me. Why would you limit yourself from exploring the world all to do it with an imaginary person that may come to fruition in the future?
Setting a limitation to not do something while you wait for a specific thing to happen that is not guaranteed, or even in your own control, is bull shit.
Plain and simple. Why should you wait around for something to happen to be permitted to experience something you’ve been dying to do? Because I’m not sure if anyone has told you, but you can always go BACK to Greece for a honeymoon even if you went with all your friends another time. There are multiple islands to visit.
You can always go BACK to Italy, there are literally a dozen popular destinations to explore that are impossible to do in one trip. You don’t need to wait for something in your life to happen, that you honestly have no real control over, to get to do anything that you in fact do have control over.
This goes for anything really that you’ve been holding onto “for when this life milestone happens”. You can burn the candle now even if you don’t have a special reason to use it. You can drink the fancy bottle of wine you bought in Napa on a Tuesday night just because.
And you can buy the big KitchenAid stand mixer because you love to bake and don’t have to wait for some long-lost friend from high school to buy it off your bullshit registry. Let go of the limitations you are setting on yourself that are holding you back from living a full and exciting life whether you’re single or not.